Ranky-Ramblings-etc

Ranky-Ramblings-etc
Blog contains some humorous? real life events in the life and times of Ranky. Ranky is always learning because he is always asking questions. Ranky has Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS) and peripheral neuropathy in feet, hands, and hips. The pain and at times shaking from these conditions create some interesting events.He is at times entertaining telling funny real life events. He loves people and loves to make them laugh. Ranky is serious about his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Ranky Makes the Same Innocent Mistake Twice

“There isn't any hair growing on this story." - Gerald Mann (The story is True)
    Ranky's daughter, Fancy Gracious, worked in a position that afforded vendors the opportunity to give her writing pens. These were very good pens that advertised the vendor's product on the pen. Fancy would give her dad, Ranky, a few pens occasionally. Ranky would pitch the pens in the top dresser drawer.
    When a pen was no longer usable, He would grab a couple of new pens from the drawer on his way to work or church.
    Ranky knew there were some pens in his stash which advertised V???r?. The following incidents happened while Ranky 63-65 years old. Ranky's age might dictate Ranky needed this particular enhancement, erectile dysfunction (ED) medication. Ranky will use the name ED in this post to refer to the popular drug for ED (erectile dysfunction).
    Ranky was always on the look out for some fun or prank. Ranky was always teasing his wife, SweetCakes, that he was going to one of her ladies mission meetings and plant some ED pens for their use. Sometimes, SweetCakes would ask for pens to provide to her ladies at those meetings.  SweetCakes would tell him, “Don't you dare embarrass me by doing that.” 
    Ranky has long distance vision, which makes Ranky very good at reading signs and exits on the interstate highways. Ranky requires reading glasses to read. One morning in a hurry to get to work, Ranky needed a pen. He grabbed a pen from his stash. He didn't have on glasses, Ranky wasn't reading. Ranky was going to work.
    Ranky went about his day at work. Ranky liked to talk while interfacing with several different folks that particular day. Several of those folks were ladies. Ranky was six feet tall so Ranky was taller than all the women Ranky interfaced with that day. Ranky noticed some of the ladies would look at his chest level and their eyes would shift away. This happened more than once.
    Ranky figured he had spilled some coffee or cake on his shirt, so Ranky checked out the front of his shirt. Nothing there, Ranky just dismissed the looks as a coincidence. Unbeknown to Ranky, the pen in his pocket was an ED pen. The word, “V??G??” was clearly visible to anyone seated facing Ranky or anyone standing in front of him.
    Ranky worked with young black lady, who was recently hired by the company. Ranky liked this young lady from the first day.  She was frank and a lot of fun. Ranky and Christmas Candy could discuss any subject from A-Z without embarrassment or arguing. We were very transparent with one another. She was smart, handsome,  and a Crimson Tide football fan. She knew more about Alabama football than Ranky.  Most importantly, She loved the Lord Jesus.
    Ranky got back to his desk. Christmas Candy looked at Ranky and said, “Ranky I really like your ED pen.” Well, that explained all the ladies looking away from my shirt. We had a good laugh and there were several folks, men and women in the office.Everyone in the office had a hoot. A defining moment to be remembered forever,
    Well, after that Ranky should have tossed the pen, but Ranky didn't. A year or so later, Ranky was headed out the door to church. Ranky needed a pen, reached in his stash of pens without his reading glasses. Ranky had forgotten about the ED pen. Ranky taught the Sunday School class, which is 60% or more ladies. Ranky went to the main service after Sunday school. Ranky likes to move around in the sanctuary greeting and talking to folks, especially visitors before the service.
    After church, Ranky walked into his living room. Some of the family was there for SweetCakes' home cooking.  His daughter, Fancy Gracious was there. First words out of her mouth, “Dad, I like your ED pen.” Ranky thought, “O Lord, How many ladies at church saw the advertisement.”  I don't think anyone noticed the pen, but I don't really know for sure.
    Ranky has the reputation for honesty. I'm sure if anyone saw the pen in my shirt pocket, they would believe Ranky believed in ED from personal experience.  Ranky would not advertise falsely, especially in church, unless Ranky was unaware He was advertising. Be assured, Ranky was unaware. Ranky thought about his teasing SweetCakes about placing ED pens at her ladies mission meeting. Ranky was brought to the reality, “What goes around, comes around.” Maybe, Ranky reaped what he sowed.
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Rank & the Bonanza Gold Treasure (not this time)

"One Person's Junk is another Person's Treasure" Maybe/Maybe Not?
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“There is no hair growing on this story." - Gerald Mann
(Meaning the events are true and the character is Ranky)
///
Another day and another walk. I was on my street in the subdivision. Not very far into my walk on my street, another pile of junk on the side of the road. Does this pile of junk contain the "Bonanza Gold". I doubted anything worthy in this pile of junk. Half empty coke bottles, strings of cord, and plastic cord.

I begin to dig into the pile of junk. I fished out a hammer, well worn, but a worthy hammer. I fished out another hammer, I had not seen a hammer shaped like this one. Interesting, worn but a worthy hammer. I kept fishing. As the time past quickly, I had four well worn hammers, but worthy as "Bonanza Gold".

Did I tell you about the Latinos putting a roof on the house where the trash pile was stacked? The silence was deafening, the hammering on the roof had stopped.
I looked up the Latinos were all looking at me with their arms crossed , just standing and gazing steadfastly at me.

The thought occurred to me. These could be the Latinos hammers and they do not know trash on the road is game for anyone and the trash truck. I explained to them the rules concerning why I could dig though the trash and take the hammers. No response from the Latinos. I asked, "Do these hammers belong to any of you?" A voice from one of the Latinos said,"Those are my hammers".

I thought what would happen if I just ran up the street with the hammers. Well, I did think of the possibilities. I came to the conclusion the best response was to drop the hammers back into the trash one by one until all four hammers were in the trash.

I did drop the hammers one by one into the trash with all Latino eyes upon me. I turned and commenced to continue my walk up the street. I noticed the hammering on the roof had begun once again.
"One Person's Junk is another Person's Treasure." No, not this time. No, "Bonanza Gold".

Ranky & the Bonanza Gold Treasure

"One Person's Junk is another Person's Treasure" Maybe/Maybe Not?
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“There is no hair growing on this story." - Gerald Mann
(Meaning the events are true and Ranky was the character.)
///
On my daily walk, I noticed a garage sale at a certain house, on this day; I was not even curious. I kept walking. The next day, I noticed several boxes of trash on the side of the road for trash pickup at this certain house.
On this day, I was curious. A treasure is called the "Bonanza Gold" by me. On the surface, just another pile of junk, but curiosity moved me to begin digging into the junk pile with my hands. Sometimes, one has to work hard for the "Bonanza Gold".
Deep within the junk pile, I found several unused candles. The candles were similar to those my wife bought and used. There were just too many candles for me to carry back in my hands. Lo and Behold, there was an empty box in the junk pile. Just right, "I like it when the lack of planning comes together." - Ranky
So, I loaded all the unused candles into the empty box. Was this the "Bonanza Gold". Only time would tell. The determining factor would be SweetCakes, my wife. When I arrived home after my walk, with hopefully, the "Bonanza Gold", I asked SweetCakes to inspect my find of unused candles.
This was the test: Is this the "Bonanza Gold" or just some more junk brought home? I would soon know by the rise of SweetCakes eyebrows, if her eyebrows went up her forehead, then it's junk.
My anticipation was rising as I awaited SweetCakes's reaction. Did I bring home the "Bonanza Gold" or just junk. I let go of a deep sigh. SweetCakes' eyes lit up and she begin to smile as a mule eating saw briars. My friends, I had brought home the "Bonanza Gold". If SweetCakes is happy, then I'm happy, and every one else is happy.
Yes, this time "One person's junk became another's treasure."

Ranky & The Thermos Bottle

“There is some hair growing on this story." - Gerald Mann
(Meaning some embellishment to the entire joke.)
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Ranky was in a hardware store just wandering around and window shopping. Something caught his eye. Ranky does ask a lot of questions, so he is going to ask about this something. He asked, "The clerk concerning the something, what is it?" The clerk replied, "A thermos bottle." Ranky wanted to know more. "A thermos bottle, What does it do?" The clerk replied, "The thermos bottle keeps the things you place inside it hot or cold."
Now, Ranky had to have one of those, so Ranky bought the thermos bottle.
Ranky was so excited about the thermos bottle which would keep things hot and cold. He could not wait to show his new thermos bottle at work.
Ranky wanted his boss to know, first of all. Ranky asked, "Do you know what I have, I bought it new?" His boss said, "You have a thermos bottle." That hurt Ranky's feelings some, because Ranky thought he just might be the first kid on the block with a thermos bottle.
Ranky just kept hammering his boss concerning his new thermos bottle. Finally, his boss asked Ranky,"What do you have in your thermos bottle?" Ranky said,"My thermos bottle keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." My thermos bottle is out of this world. I have two popsicles and a cup of hot coffee in my thermos bottle.

Ranky & the Little Old Church Lady

“There is some hair growing on this story." - Gerald Mann
(Meaning some embellishment to create a proper end of story, but the preceding events prior to the end of the story are true and the character is Ranky.)
///
My feet and legs dance when I'm not medicated, sometimes the medication does nothing. The condition is Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS).

Today at church, I asked The lady with whom I sat, Could I pull my sandals off, I have peripheral neuropathy and I cannot stand anything touching my feet. You know how kind, these old church ladies are, nothing bothers them. She said sure, just go ahead and be comfortable.

Later into the service as I begin to earth quaking (Legs and feet dancing), I said, I can't be still. I will move somewhere else.You know how nice old church ladies are, she said," You are just fine where you are, that doesn't bother me."

Earth quaking is a name my oldest grandson gave, when I began to shake the table one day. We were on Sand Mtn at a Xmas function, He said in a deep gruff voice, where is the earthquake? My son pointed to me. He said, OK, deep voice. Laughed because he knew it was me or his mom, she has fibro and does the earth quaking sometimes, also.

Back to the nice old church lady, it was beginning to be rough seas for her, the shaking was so bad. I said, "I will move to an empty bench, this is too much for you to bear."
She opened her mouth, to assure me all was well, you know how nice old church ladies are. But the earth quaking caused her false teeth to fall on the floor. She picked the teeth up, wiped them off with tisssue, put the teeth back in her mouth, I don't think she grinned or winked at me, and then she moved.

I can never figure out these nice old church ladies, but I do love them for lying to make you feel good and God does, too. God doesn't like lying, but I'm betting they get a pass on this one, maybe a reward, also.

I love going to church, seems there is always something exciting happening around me. I do wonder about that.
Did I tell about the time probably less than 6 months ago? I was teaching the Abundant Life Sunday School class.

Somehow, the discussion headed toward the Trinity of God, which I believe. I told them, if I had a God that I could explain, I would be as smart as He was. I don't need a god like that, I need help. And I will NOT attempt to explain the Trinity in this class. Instantly, the power went out. Everyone laughed, and a small low voice in the class, it was guy, who may have been afraid, said; you ought to explain the Trinity. I gave it my best shot, but the power stayed off until the morning worship service was almost over.

I got home and then ate and happened to find some chess pie, it's mostly sugar as you know. Sugar SPINS ME UP and sets my tongue free. Sometimes, it's fun for those present. Some of the ladies at work used to feed me sweet cakes and chocolate stuff, after they learned they could get a low-budget comedian for the price of a few desserts.

Ranky's Unusal Golf Driving Range Experience

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“There is no hair growing on this story." - Gerald Mann
(Meaning the events are true and Ranky was the character.)
///
Typically, hitting a bucket of golf balls is fun and non eventful. Ranky took the next to last hitting slot on the driving range. Ranky was hitting the golf balls well . I have to wonder "what am I doing wrong?"

A 25-30 year old black guy, who looked the part of a golfer, took the last hitting slot on the driving range next to me. I watched him out of the corner of my eye. He actually missed the first few golf balls he attempted to hit. He had a nice set of clubs and shoes, I knew he was a golfer, but today was not his day. Maybe, it was not my day, either.

The black guy was improving, he was actually making contact with the golf ball. But, the balls were rolling slowly on the ground in front of me. He was getting better and better.
The golf balls were gaining more and more speed, but were slithering across the ground with 2-4 feet in front of me. I was becoming concerned for my safety.

How can someone hit a golf ball straight from their side verses down range in front of them? He kept hitting and talking to himself and the balls kept coming at a higher velocity and with the same flight path in front of me. How do I handle this, I don't want to die on the driving range and I don't want to quit?

I stepped back, laughing asked him, am I in danger here, do I need to be concerned with my personal safety? He laughed and said, " I hope not, I really don't know what's happened to my swing."

My concentration is gone, I can't hit golf balls when thinking I could be hit by a flying missile at any time. I said, " I will step back and watch you hit your golf balls." I did this. I suggested to him to step 6-8 inches laterally closer to the ball and then see "What happens."

He took my suggestion and his golf balls started flying straight down the middle. Sometimes, it helps to know some golf tips. Knowing golf tips, may just save your life on the driving range. Ranky thinks the golf tips may have saved his life or kept him from serious injury that day.

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