“There isn't any hair growing on this story." - Gerald Mann (The story is True)
Ranky was a literal-minded 5 or 6 year old, this particular characteristic of Ranky hasn't changed much in 60 years. Ranky lived in a small town next door to a couple, who boarded an older lady. She was in her eighties, her chin touched her nose. She dipped snuff the same as most of the older ladies of that era, 1949-1950. I will call her Aunt Molly. Often, Aunt Molly would summon Ranky over to run an errand to the store. She would send for thread, snuff, and other small items. Ranky didn't mind because she would tip Ranky 5 or 10 cents. Aunt Molly kept her money tied up in an old handkerchief. Ranky could buy Ranky some candy or a coke. The candy and/or coke was a treat for Ranky, even though the store seemed miles away. Actually, the store was probably 800 yards or so away.
Good day, Aunt Molly summoned Ranky for an errand. She wanted a nickel tablet. There was money for Ranky, too. Ranky's mind got distracted on the way to the store. He thought, "What does Aunt Molly want with a nickel pill, she could buy a whole bottle of aspirin." The store owner came out patted me on the head and said,"What can I do for you young man?" Ranky said,"Aunt Molly wants a nickel pill." WHAT? you mean a bottle of aspirin don't you." No, Aunt Molly wants a nickel pill. What? you mean a nickel writing tablet don't you? No, Aunt Molly wants a nickel pill. Ranky is now 65 years old, Ranky tell folks jokingly at times the "R" in Ranky stands for being right. One of Ranky's traits to this day, if he thinks he is right, his theme song is the Baptist Hymn, "I shall not be moved." After 30 minutes of wasting the store owners time, who threw up his hands in desperation, muttered some bad words, told me to go back and have Aunt Molly write down on paper the item she actually wanted to buy. I said,"She wants a nickel pill." I will be back. The store owner was hot under the collar.
I got back to Aunt Molly's house, where's my tablet? Ranky told Aunt Molly, the store owner did not have a "Nickel Pill". Aunt Molly hit the roof screaming, I WANTED A WRITING TABLET. I told her she did not say writing, she just said, "nickel Tablet". Ranky knows what Aunt Molly said and it wasn't writing tablet. Ranky told her to write the item on paper and I would go back. She was steamed.
The store seemed more farther away the second trip.The store owner saw me coming, tried to act busy. But, Ranky was on a mission, Ranky gave the store owner the note with the item written on it. When he saw the writing tablet as the item, I got another tongue lashing. Ranky told the store owner Aunt Molly never used the word writing. That would have simplified things for Ranky. Well, I retrieved the writing tablet went back to Aunt Molly's house. She was still steamed.
With the trouble Ranky caused Aunt Molly, she was not going to pay me for the trip. Ranky wanted to know why, since Ranky had made 2 trips to the store verses one trip.She mellowed some gave me some change and here goes Ranky to the store for the third time. It's different this time, I'm own my own nickel. I had a coke and Babe Ruth. All is well that ends well.
Ranky could not understand why two adults got so upset because Aunt Molly left out the word writing. Aunt Molly should have used two words, writing tablet or writing pill, Ranky thinks he would have been able to make only one trip. Aunt Molly told me, "I should have known". I don't think adults understand Ranky. Ranky's world is simple, theirs is complex. I helped Aunt Molly to be more detailed in her directions and she was. "Time is never wasted if you learn something from your mistakes." - CAC Lady
Aunt Molly learned detailed speaking from a 5-6 year old.
Rank & the Bonanza Gold Treasure (not this time)
"One Person's Junk is another Person's Treasure" Maybe/Maybe Not?
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“There is no hair growing on this story." - Gerald Mann
(Meaning the events are true and the character is Ranky)
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Another day and another walk. I was on my street in the subdivision. Not very far into my walk on my street, another pile of junk on the side of the road. Does this pile of junk contain the "Bonanza Gold". I doubted anything worthy in this pile of junk. Half empty coke bottles, strings of cord, and plastic cord.
I begin to dig into the pile of junk. I fished out a hammer, well worn, but a worthy hammer. I fished out another hammer, I had not seen a hammer shaped like this one. Interesting, worn but a worthy hammer. I kept fishing. As the time past quickly, I had four well worn hammers, but worthy as "Bonanza Gold".
Did I tell you about the Latinos putting a roof on the house where the trash pile was stacked? The silence was deafening, the hammering on the roof had stopped.
I looked up the Latinos were all looking at me with their arms crossed , just standing and gazing steadfastly at me.
The thought occurred to me. These could be the Latinos hammers and they do not know trash on the road is game for anyone and the trash truck. I explained to them the rules concerning why I could dig though the trash and take the hammers. No response from the Latinos. I asked, "Do these hammers belong to any of you?" A voice from one of the Latinos said,"Those are my hammers".
I thought what would happen if I just ran up the street with the hammers. Well, I did think of the possibilities. I came to the conclusion the best response was to drop the hammers back into the trash one by one until all four hammers were in the trash.
I did drop the hammers one by one into the trash with all Latino eyes upon me. I turned and commenced to continue my walk up the street. I noticed the hammering on the roof had begun once again.
"One Person's Junk is another Person's Treasure." No, not this time. No, "Bonanza Gold".
Ranky & the Bonanza Gold Treasure
"One Person's Junk is another Person's Treasure" Maybe/Maybe Not?
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“There is no hair growing on this story." - Gerald Mann
(Meaning the events are true and Ranky was the character.)
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On my daily walk, I noticed a garage sale at a certain house, on this day; I was not even curious. I kept walking. The next day, I noticed several boxes of trash on the side of the road for trash pickup at this certain house.
On this day, I was curious. A treasure is called the "Bonanza Gold" by me. On the surface, just another pile of junk, but curiosity moved me to begin digging into the junk pile with my hands. Sometimes, one has to work hard for the "Bonanza Gold".
Deep within the junk pile, I found several unused candles. The candles were similar to those my wife bought and used. There were just too many candles for me to carry back in my hands. Lo and Behold, there was an empty box in the junk pile. Just right, "I like it when the lack of planning comes together." - Ranky
So, I loaded all the unused candles into the empty box. Was this the "Bonanza Gold". Only time would tell. The determining factor would be SweetCakes, my wife. When I arrived home after my walk, with hopefully, the "Bonanza Gold", I asked SweetCakes to inspect my find of unused candles.
This was the test: Is this the "Bonanza Gold" or just some more junk brought home? I would soon know by the rise of SweetCakes eyebrows, if her eyebrows went up her forehead, then it's junk.
My anticipation was rising as I awaited SweetCakes's reaction. Did I bring home the "Bonanza Gold" or just junk. I let go of a deep sigh. SweetCakes' eyes lit up and she begin to smile as a mule eating saw briars. My friends, I had brought home the "Bonanza Gold". If SweetCakes is happy, then I'm happy, and every one else is happy.
Yes, this time "One person's junk became another's treasure."
Ranky & The Thermos Bottle
“There is some hair growing on this story." - Gerald Mann
(Meaning some embellishment to the entire joke.)
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Ranky was in a hardware store just wandering around and window shopping. Something caught his eye. Ranky does ask a lot of questions, so he is going to ask about this something. He asked, "The clerk concerning the something, what is it?" The clerk replied, "A thermos bottle." Ranky wanted to know more. "A thermos bottle, What does it do?" The clerk replied, "The thermos bottle keeps the things you place inside it hot or cold."
Now, Ranky had to have one of those, so Ranky bought the thermos bottle.
Ranky was so excited about the thermos bottle which would keep things hot and cold. He could not wait to show his new thermos bottle at work.
Ranky wanted his boss to know, first of all. Ranky asked, "Do you know what I have, I bought it new?" His boss said, "You have a thermos bottle." That hurt Ranky's feelings some, because Ranky thought he just might be the first kid on the block with a thermos bottle.
Ranky just kept hammering his boss concerning his new thermos bottle. Finally, his boss asked Ranky,"What do you have in your thermos bottle?" Ranky said,"My thermos bottle keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." My thermos bottle is out of this world. I have two popsicles and a cup of hot coffee in my thermos bottle.
Ranky & the Little Old Church Lady
“There is some hair growing on this story." - Gerald Mann
(Meaning some embellishment to create a proper end of story, but the preceding events prior to the end of the story are true and the character is Ranky.)
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My feet and legs dance when I'm not medicated, sometimes the medication does nothing. The condition is Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS).
Today at church, I asked The lady with whom I sat, Could I pull my sandals off, I have peripheral neuropathy and I cannot stand anything touching my feet. You know how kind, these old church ladies are, nothing bothers them. She said sure, just go ahead and be comfortable.
Later into the service as I begin to earth quaking (Legs and feet dancing), I said, I can't be still. I will move somewhere else.You know how nice old church ladies are, she said," You are just fine where you are, that doesn't bother me."
Earth quaking is a name my oldest grandson gave, when I began to shake the table one day. We were on Sand Mtn at a Xmas function, He said in a deep gruff voice, where is the earthquake? My son pointed to me. He said, OK, deep voice. Laughed because he knew it was me or his mom, she has fibro and does the earth quaking sometimes, also.
Back to the nice old church lady, it was beginning to be rough seas for her, the shaking was so bad. I said, "I will move to an empty bench, this is too much for you to bear."
She opened her mouth, to assure me all was well, you know how nice old church ladies are. But the earth quaking caused her false teeth to fall on the floor. She picked the teeth up, wiped them off with tisssue, put the teeth back in her mouth, I don't think she grinned or winked at me, and then she moved.
I can never figure out these nice old church ladies, but I do love them for lying to make you feel good and God does, too. God doesn't like lying, but I'm betting they get a pass on this one, maybe a reward, also.
I love going to church, seems there is always something exciting happening around me. I do wonder about that.
Did I tell about the time probably less than 6 months ago? I was teaching the Abundant Life Sunday School class.
Somehow, the discussion headed toward the Trinity of God, which I believe. I told them, if I had a God that I could explain, I would be as smart as He was. I don't need a god like that, I need help. And I will NOT attempt to explain the Trinity in this class. Instantly, the power went out. Everyone laughed, and a small low voice in the class, it was guy, who may have been afraid, said; you ought to explain the Trinity. I gave it my best shot, but the power stayed off until the morning worship service was almost over.
I got home and then ate and happened to find some chess pie, it's mostly sugar as you know. Sugar SPINS ME UP and sets my tongue free. Sometimes, it's fun for those present. Some of the ladies at work used to feed me sweet cakes and chocolate stuff, after they learned they could get a low-budget comedian for the price of a few desserts.
Ranky's Unusal Golf Driving Range Experience
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“There is no hair growing on this story." - Gerald Mann
(Meaning the events are true and Ranky was the character.)
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Typically, hitting a bucket of golf balls is fun and non eventful. Ranky took the next to last hitting slot on the driving range. Ranky was hitting the golf balls well . I have to wonder "what am I doing wrong?"
A 25-30 year old black guy, who looked the part of a golfer, took the last hitting slot on the driving range next to me. I watched him out of the corner of my eye. He actually missed the first few golf balls he attempted to hit. He had a nice set of clubs and shoes, I knew he was a golfer, but today was not his day. Maybe, it was not my day, either.
The black guy was improving, he was actually making contact with the golf ball. But, the balls were rolling slowly on the ground in front of me. He was getting better and better.
The golf balls were gaining more and more speed, but were slithering across the ground with 2-4 feet in front of me. I was becoming concerned for my safety.
How can someone hit a golf ball straight from their side verses down range in front of them? He kept hitting and talking to himself and the balls kept coming at a higher velocity and with the same flight path in front of me. How do I handle this, I don't want to die on the driving range and I don't want to quit?
I stepped back, laughing asked him, am I in danger here, do I need to be concerned with my personal safety? He laughed and said, " I hope not, I really don't know what's happened to my swing."
My concentration is gone, I can't hit golf balls when thinking I could be hit by a flying missile at any time. I said, " I will step back and watch you hit your golf balls." I did this. I suggested to him to step 6-8 inches laterally closer to the ball and then see "What happens."
He took my suggestion and his golf balls started flying straight down the middle. Sometimes, it helps to know some golf tips. Knowing golf tips, may just save your life on the driving range. Ranky thinks the golf tips may have saved his life or kept him from serious injury that day.
Ranky was a literal-minded 5 or 6 year old, this particular characteristic of Ranky hasn't changed much in 60 years. Ranky lived in a small town next door to a couple, who boarded an older lady. She was in her eighties, her chin touched her nose. She dipped snuff the same as most of the older ladies of that era, 1949-1950. I will call her Aunt Molly. Often, Aunt Molly would summon Ranky over to run an errand to the store. She would send for thread, snuff, and other small items. Ranky didn't mind because she would tip Ranky 5 or 10 cents. Aunt Molly kept her money tied up in an old handkerchief. Ranky could buy Ranky some candy or a coke. The candy and/or coke was a treat for Ranky, even though the store seemed miles away. Actually, the store was probably 800 yards or so away.
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